Friday, November 14, 2008

Erin, Amber,
Lindsey, Rachael Meadows
taken on August 10, 2008






There have been several things that I have thought about sharing in a blog post. I am behind, and I felt the need to backtrack. So, I thought I would go back and talk about the 1 yr anniversary of Rex' death on August 10, 2008.

We planned a trip to the beach to commemorate the anniversary time. As we planned our trip, I thought about what I could do to honor him on that day. Rex loved to go to the beach. His favorite thing to do at the beach was to get up and watch the sunrise and read his Bible. It was very peaceful and fulfilling for Rex.

With that in mind, we decided that we would get up and watch the sunrise in honor of Rex. That morning came, and we set out to the beach early in the morning. We found a place on the beach and sat in silence watching the sunrise. It was so peaceful, just the sound of the ocean and the sight of the sun rising on the horizon.

Afterwards, we sat and talked a little. I asked the girls to share something that they missed about their dad. Each of them, shared from their heart something that came to mind. Then, I prayed and thanked God for His faithfulness and for His care for us.

Throughout this process, we really hadn't noticed anything unusual. I had to wake up all of the girls for this venture; we were all pretty quiet, and Rachael was subdued through the whole thing.

After our time together, the girls quietly and without words went and wrote notes in the sand to their dad. They each found a stick and wrote in the sand. It was at this time that I noticed Rachael writing in the sand too, but she had something else in her hand. I went to see what it was. It was not a stick, rather it was a TOOTHBRUSH. What???? How in the world did she manage to get Lindsey's toothbrush out of our room without anyone noticing at all? That is exactly what happened. She managed to grab Lindsey's toothbrush off of the bathroom counter and held it while we traipsed to the beach, while we sat on the beach watching the sunrise, while we sat and talked about Rex. All the while, no one even noticed that she had it.

It didn't dawn on me for at least a week and really didn't hit me until someone mentioned it. The "toothbrush" had emerged again. Rex had removed his toothbrush before he died to spare me a moment of grief. And, here on this very day, exactly one year after he had left this world, his youngest daughter is writing in the sand with none other than a toothbrush! A little detail, so subtle, yet profound in meaning.

You can barely
see Rachael
holding the
toothbrush in
this picture.







Do you believe that God cares about the little details or our lives? Why do we always look for the BIG things that God does for us? It is the little things that mean so much to me. For, it is in the little things that I feel God's love for me. It is in the everyday blessings that I see God's faithfulness to me.

How do you show love for others? Do you do it when it's expected -- Valentine's Day, birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas? Or, do you purpose in your heart to show love with the little things in everyday things?

Through God's example, I know it is the little things that make all the difference in the world. Unlike God, there are many times that I blow it with my kids, with my family and with my friends. I think at one time, I would try to compensate my failures with them by doing things for them or buying something for them. Then, one day I thought about it; I thought about the many ways we fail, and how we respond to our failures: the angry outburst followed by a loving, affectionate touch, the unfaithfulness followed by flowers, the selfishness followed by a surprise, the meanness followed by a promise. Isn't that what we do? We blow it, and then we try to make up for it with a kind word, deed, gift or touch.

Does it really make up for the unrighteousness that we unleashed on another? Well, I think it is better than not acknowledging it at all. Certainly, the best approach would include an apology and acknowledgement of our failure. Does guilt drive our acts of kindness or does love?

Because of this, I have tried to transition how I respond to my failures and hopefully minimize future defeats. Right now, I am primarily speaking of my failures with my children because that is where I see my inadequacies the most. When I fail, I go to them and acknowledge what I have done wrong and ask for their forgiveness. Then, I usually sit with them and talk with them, sometimes about my weaknesses, sometimes about trivial things, sometimes about what I want my testimony to be and how I fall short, sometimes about the good that I see in them. In any case, we usually talk and pray.

I try to save the little things, those kind deeds, those thoughtful gifts, those hugs, and praises for the every day times. I don't want my loved ones to associate my kindness and generosity solely with a response to my sin because they will never see that as an act of love.

It is so easy to get caught up in the daily demands that I never do anything more than what is required of me. It is in these times that I feel like such a martyr and turn to pity parties for myself. When I unexpectedly put a note of love in a lunchbox, or do my kids' chores for them while they are at school, or leave a mint on their pillow, or sit down and play a game with them when I have so much to do, this is when they know that I LOVE THEM. They know that I love them by the little acts of love. It is these acts of love that allow us to open the hearts of our loved ones to the things of God. It is our acts of love that give us the confidence to share Christ to those closest to us.

1 John 3:18-24
18 My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth.
19 And by this we know that we are of the truth, and shall assure our hearts before Him.
20 For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things.
21 Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence toward God.
22 And whatever we ask we receive from Him, because we keep His commandments and do those things that are pleasing in His sight.
23 And this is His commandment: that we should believe on the name of His Son Jesus Christ and love one another, as He gave us commandment.
24 Now he who keeps His commandments abides in Him, and He in him. And by this we know that He abides in us, by the Spirit whom He has given us.

I am far from a hero of the Christian faith. I am hard-won; I am rigid in my discipline of character; I am often unrelenting in my expectations. I am selfish in my heart. I am not patient when my back is against the wall. I lose my cool when I am stressed or hormonal. And, when each of these ugly traits are unleashed on my loved ones, I know that I fall short of righteousness. How will they ever know that I love them and want to listen to me? More importantly, how will they know that God loves them and cares for them? My everyday actions of love will cover my periodic fiascos. I can still teach them the goodness of God, the salvation of Christ, and the call to righteousness while I am imperfect and flawed.

Isn't God good? He can take a sinner like me and use me for His glory. And, He can use you? Will you let Him? Do something today out of the ordinary for someone you love just because you love them. Mark them with your love today.

Have a blessed day,

Donna

Sunday, August 25, 2008

I have never been fond of the sport of boxing. Growing up between 2 brothers required me to participate in some of their boy activities if I wanted to be included. One of those activities was boxing. We would lay out a blanket for our boxing ring, don some toy boxing gloves, and have a match. I never was very good at it. I could never get the upperhand, and once the punching started, I really became a punching bag instead of a boxer. Needless to say, within minutes, I was tired of the game and ready to quit. As I grew, I have often looked at the sport with indifference; what is really fun and recreational about clobbering another person?

Then, there was Rex. He, on the other hand, liked the boxing fight. In particular, Rex always liked the Rocky movies. I had seen them, but I wasn't particularly endeared to them like he was. Rex talked to me several times about his fanatics with Rocky during his teenage years. Rex liked the underdog presence. He liked the strenuous preparation for the fight; he liked the "never give up" and "never stop believing" mentality in the fight.

In these last couple of years, I have felt like I have been in a spiritual boxing match with the evil of this world. When I serve the Lord or spend time with Him or minister to someone, I have given a good hard punch to evil. Soon after, there is a punch back. Do I dodge it? Does it stun me for a minute? Does it knock the breath out of me? Does it make me take a step back? Does it knock me down?

In 2 1/2 years of blogging our journey, I have watched a boxing match being played out. After every blog update that I have done, there has been some sort of test/trial/punch soon after. My blog post was my punch into darkness. And, then the return punch comes, and it usually lines up directly with something in my blog post. Sometimes, I have gotten discouraged and thought I was wasting my time. Who am I to write these words? Sometimes, I have cried tears thinking I couldn't bear anymore. Sometimes, I have felt so weary and wanted to quit. Sometimes, I have had to evaluate whether I really meant what I said. Am I really walking my talk? Sometimes, I have had a pity party for myself. And, sometimes, I have simply gotten mad at evil and declared that I was going to stand strong.

Whether I was knocked back a step or completely knocked down, God has always been in the corner coaching me, encouraging me and giving me strength to stay in the ring.

There have been times when I have been punched, and I have thought that wasn't so bad, and then there have been times, when I have been completely knocked down and didn't want to get up; I didn't think I could get up. In these moments, I find myself where Rocky Balboa is in the movie. He has fought long and hard, and he is seemingly down for the count. But, then he remembers why he is fighting; he knows that he is going to fight to the end. He is not giving up. And, with the crowd cheering, he manages to pull himself up to continue the fight to win.

After my last post, I took a hard punch. It knocked the breath out of me and quite frankly, knocked me down. In that post, I talked about letting go of the peripheals of my life and focusing on seeking God. Just like you, one of the peripheals of my life is money; I want to make wise decisions, and I have great dreams for God. In the last couple of months, I made a decision to take a great risk financially. I spent a great deal of time seeking God's guidance on it. It was out of my comfort zone because I am not a risk taker. The more I fought the decision, the more I felt God's leading, and so I finally made the decision to take the risk. A few weeks passed, and I posted my July blog entry. Just a week after my update, I was faced with the very real possibility that I had risked and lost. It hit me hard and threw me by surprise. I questioned whether I meant what I said. Did I really let go of the peripheals of my life? I questioned whether I knew God's voice. Did I really hear Him clearly guide me in this direction?

While I was lying there in the ring wondering if I wanted to get up again, I heard Him speak. Above all the noise around me, I heard God say to me, I am here; I am here to gird you for the battle. Take refuge in me. I will arm you with strength and make your way perfect.

He spoke to me through my quiet time in 2 Samuel.

2 Samuel 22 19 They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the Lord was my support. 20 He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me. 21 "The Lord has dealt with me according to my righteousness; according to the cleanness of my hands he has rewarded me. 22 For I have kept the ways of the Lord; I have not done evil by turning from my God. 23 All his laws are before me; I have not turned away from his decrees. 24 I have been blameless before him and have kept myself from sin. 25 The Lord has rewarded me according to my righteousness, according to my cleanness in his sight. 26 "To the faithful you show yourself faithful, to the blameless you show yourself blameless, 27 to the pure you show yourself pure, but to the crooked you show yourself shrewd. 28 You save the humble, but your eyes are on the haughty to bring them low. 29 You are my lamp, O Lord; the Lord turns my darkness into light. 30 With your help I can advance against a troop; with my God I can scale a wall. 31 "As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the Lord is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in him. 32 For who is God besides the Lord? And who is the Rock except our God? 33 It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect. 34 He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he enables me to stand on the heights. 35 He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze. 36 You give me your shield of victory; you stoop down to make me great. 37 You broaden the path beneath me, so that my ankles do not turn. 38 "I pursued my enemies and crushed them; I did not turn back till they were destroyed. 39 I crushed them completely, and they could not rise; they fell beneath my feet. 40 You armed me with strength for battle; you made my adversaries bow at my feet. 41 You made my enemies turn their backs in flight, and I destroyed my foes. 42 They cried for help, but there was no one to save them-- to the Lord, but he did not answer. 43 I beat them as fine as the dust of the earth; I pounded and trampled them like mud in the streets

The greatest thing about this battle is that I know who wins. As long as I keep getting up and stay in the ring, I will not be defeated. And, so I get up time after time and keep going.

Where are you in your match? Are you armed with strength or are you knocked down? Take refuge in Him and let God be your shield. He will arm you with strength and make your way perfect. Get up and stay in the ring.

I still don't know whether I risked and lost with my recent decision; I do know that I am standing firm in the ring, and I will continue to fight for the cause of Christ.

Please continue to pray because the strength and power that I have is not my own; it is clearly the power of the Holy Spirit through prayer.

To God be all the glory,

Donna