Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Rex is in Room 638 at Catawba. His first day went pretty well. He has not been nauseous yet. It seems that the chemo gives him an appetite. He ate well today. God has graciously allowed Rex to eat these past several days. This is an answer to prayer!

I have been looking at the story of the Canaanite woman who came to Jesus to ask for healing of her vexed daughter. It is a little different than some of Jesus' other healings. (Matt. 15:22-28, Mark 7:25-30) Here was this stranger (not of the house of Israel) finding Jesus, who had retreated to a house. She was looking for Jesus to heal her daughter. Can you imagine the desperation she felt as she humbly fell at Jesus' feet not caring that she was a stranger and that Jesus had retreated from public eye. She made her request known unapologetically. However, Jesus ignored her at first. I can see the disciples looking at the woman and looking back at Jesus and wondering why Jesus did that. Then, the disciples interfered and tried to fix it. Isn't that so much like us: we follow Him, but when we don't understand why God hasn't answered our prayer, we try to interfere and fix it instead of waiting on Him. Jesus finally responded, not in healing, but stating that he was sent to the lost sheep of Israel. How many of you would have given up at this point? Not this woman. Again, she came again asking the Lord to help her. Jesus answered again but not with healing. Still, not put off, she persevered and again asked for a third time for the Lord's healing of her daughter. Do you believe that this woman believed that Jesus was the answer to her problem. Absolutely. Jesus, then commended her on her great faith and healed her daughter. I wonder what this Canaanite thought all the way home. Do you think that she was wondering if her daughter was really healed? I don't think so. She knew that Jesus had done as she asked. I can just picture her rushing home with a new song knowing that her daughter was healed and anticipating being reunited with her new daughter. I can picture the joy in her heart as she rushed home.

I want to have the faith that this woman had. I want to firmly hold onto Jesus and ask him to heal Rex believing that Jesus can do this. I don't want to be discouraged by silence or seemingly unanswered prayer. I don't want to let go until God blesses.

What desperate prayer do you need answered? Hold onto Jesus and don't let go until He blesses you.

Donna Meadows

Monday, January 23, 2006

We are definitely headed to the hospital this morning. As scheduled, Rex will be at Catawba through Friday. We really don't have a clue what this week will be like for Rex as far as nausea and sickness goes. I believe that they will be able to keep it under control with nausea medicine. Pray that this week will work over and beyond what the doctors' believe on Rex' cancer.

I can't help but think of one word this morning: COMPASSION. What exactly is compassion? If you look it up in the dictionary, it is the deepawareness of and sympathy for another's suffering or the humane quality ofunderstanding the suffering of others and wanting to do something about it.When people ask why does God allow stuff like this to happen, I believe withall of my heart it is to teach us to have compassion. Compassion drives andmotivates like few other things do. He wants me to have compassion forothers as we go through this; there are people out there in far worse situations than we are. He wants you to have compassion for others.

What does compassion do? It causes you to care, love, help, share, pray, listen, and do. It is a powerful thing. Compassion opens your eyes to the reality that this life is temporary; it compels you to do things that you normally wouldn't do. It helps put your life in perspective. It has a wayof tweaking your priorities.

For Rex and I, compassion has given us an urgency to share Christ's love andthe peace that only He can give. It has created a whole new desire to knowHim more than ever before.

Lamentations 3:21-3621 This I recall to my mind, Therefore I have hope. 22 Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed, Because His compassions fail not. 23 They arenew every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. 24 "The Lord is my portion,"says my soul, "Therefore I hope in Him!" 25 The Lord is good to those whowait for Him, To the soul who seeks Him. 26 It is good that one should hope and wait quietly For the salvation of the Lord. 27 It is good for a man to bear The yoke in his youth. 28 Let him sit alone and keep silent, Because God has laid it on him; 29 Let him put his mouth in the dust-- There may yetbe hope. 30 Let him give his cheek to the one who strikes him, And be full of reproach. 31 For the Lord will not cast off forever. 32 Though He causes grief, Yet He will show compassion according to the multitudes of His mercies. His mercies are new every morning!

I am thankful that I serve a God who loves me and gives me new mercy every morning.

Donna Meadows

Saturday, January 21, 2006

The last few days have been a time for me to try to recuperate physically and meet the needs of my family.

Rex started taking the chemo pills on Tuesday evening. So far, he is tolerating them very well. He also started radiation on Thursday. He was able to work most of this week.

God has blessed this week. Rex has been able to eat more than he's eaten in several weeks. The blessing we say before we eat has taken on new meaning. Thanking God for food has become a genuine request. And, as we ask the Lord to allow Rex to be able to eat and swallow it, it makes us much more thankful for our ability to eat. You don't realize how much you take just the simple task as eating for granted.

We were able to have some family time Friday afternoon as we ventured out on an afternoon road trip. We spent much of the time traveling in quiet thoughts being content just to be together.

Several of you have asked me how the girls are doing, and we really can't see much difference in them other than that they want more lap time with daddy, and Amber has been writing love notes to us almost daily. I have told them that Rex is got some really serious sickness trying to take control inside his body, and they know that it's called cancer. They also know that their Granny and Nanny died of cancer. Still, we were not really sure the depth of their understanding. Yesterday, Amber (6) wrote a note that I would like to share with you. I will write it just as she wrote it, through the mind of a six year old:

My Daddy is sick and has cancer and I am praying for him and My mommy's side is hurting I am praying for her My sisster Erin is praying for Daddy and Mommy to. Lindsey dosn't understand. Me and Erin do. Lindsey is only 3 I am 6 and Erin is 8 My Daddy is 37 and My Mommy is 36 and she is shorter than Daddy. Daddy and Mommy have a big bed Me and Erin have a little one.

I think this pretty well reflects an understanding deeper than I even gave her credit for. However, they are not anxious. We are trying to teach them that God is good all the time, and that He has a perfect plan for all of our lives; we must pursue to live a godly life that pleases Him and glorifies Him no matter what storms we face. This is a storm allowed for God to do a marvellous work in our lives -- what is our response? There is NO TURNING BACK! We must surrender all of our fears, trust Him completely, and be obedient daily. We are holding on to God, and we are not going to let go until He blesses us.

Phillippians 4:6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;

I would like to ask you to think about what fears you have hidden deep in your heart that you can't seem to give up or surrender. Make a fresh renewal to allow God to work in your heart and make a conscious effort to give that fear to Him. There's no better place for it than in the precious care of our Lord. I promise you that you will be blessed when you surrender yourself to Him.

Thank you for every prayer you have said on our behalf.

Only because of Him,

Donna Meadows

Thursday, January 19, 2006

I got what I needed today. He knows exactly what we need whether we realize it or not.

I was starting to struggle with the annoying "faucet drip" thoughts. I have sent some lengthy emails and they have been about "us", and I was beginning to think that I was becoming the ever annoying dripping faucet. The last thing that I want to do is be nagging or annoying or pestering or self-centered about this. I really desire to see God work a miracle turning this into something beautiful to bring Him glory. As I struggled with this today, I received numerous encouragement today from so many people. In the emails I received today alone, I was told that there are people praying for us in churches all over this area, in Louisiana, Texas, Colorado, in several places in Missouri, Kansas, California, and in 7 churches in Maine. Do you guys realize how overwhelmingly encouraging that is to us. We cry everytime we read this or someone tells us this because it absolutely amazes us and it certainly humbles us.

We have been told encouraging things such that we are being strong, an inspiration, an encouragement, a witness. Please know that those are words of affirmation that do affirm love for us. I guess it just surprises me a little because I look at it a little differently, and I'd like to explain what I see through this right now.

I see that a storm is coming. The weather report is in, and we are preparing for it. We are boarding up our windows and tying everything down. We don't know how bad it really is going to be, but the weather report says it's going to be pretty harsh. Now, think about this. We are just preparing for it right now. We really don't know how bad it's going to be. It could be as bad as predicted or it could just be another storm or it could be worse than ever thought. Are we prepared enough for the storm? We might think so because we are talking tough and planning to ride it out to the end. Until the storm actually hits, do we realize or know how prepared we really are for it. Until it actually hits, we won't know how bad it will be or how long it will last. Weather reports are educated guesses that are there to help us prepare for the storm, but they are not 100% accurate.

Katrina was a perfect example of this. No one ever thought that it would do so much damage. People prepared as best they knew, but they weren't prepared for such devastation; lives have been forever changed from it. Some lost their life; some did not.

There is a storm coming our way. It's called battling cancer. The report is in, and it's going to get nasty and ugly. We are preparing for it, but how bad will it really be? Will it be easier or harder than predicted? We are not discouraged right now because we haven't started the battle yet. Does that mean we are strong -- maybe, maybe not. Until we have been through the storm, we won't really know how we will fare. I say this to say that while we may seem to take this well now, the hard part hasn't hit yet. It's around the corner, and I hope that we will stand firm through it and weather it with the grace of God totally wrapped around us. As days drag into weeks or months, will we stand firm? With all my heart, I hope so.

One thing I can say right now is that I completely trust God. It is as simple as when I was a child and I trusted my parents to take care of me, feed me, protect me, clothe me, and nurture me. I trust God the same way. When I trusted my parents as a child, I never worried about how they were going to take care of me. Much the same, I don't worry now; I trust God.

The first few winds have come in on this storm. Rex has started his chemo pills. Next week, the rains should start and the winds will be stronger as Rex gets a full dose of this chemo and radiation.

Pray that we will stand firm and not succumb.
Pray that my body will get strong and back to full health, so that I can focus on this storm in our family.
Pray that Rex will not have doubts and thoughts of defeat.
Pray that Rex will not experience all of the bad side effects.
Pray that Rex will heal.
Pray that God will show us where He wants to take us from here (not a life of mediocrity, but a life of example and excellence for Christ).

Thank you all so very much,

Donna Meadows

Monday, January 16, 2006 4:10 PM Update

Hello,

I haven't updated since last week, so I thought I would back up to our appointment with the surgeon this past Friday morning.

Dr. Sarantou was very thorough with his explanation of this surgery. There are 2 ways to do the surgery. I went in there taking this surgery a little more lightly than I should have. I didn't realize that it was going to be as major of a surgery before this. In one type of surgery, a vertical cut would be made down the middle of his chest and a horizontal cut would be made from the middle of his abdomen around to his back. A good portion of the esophagus and 1/3 -1/2 of his stomach would be removed. He will also have to remove a rib or two in this process. His intestines would be loosened and everything shifted up and sewn back together. The other surgery involves a single cut to the chest and the affected parts removed, but the stomach would then be moved to his neck and sewn in. Neither of these sound fun, so I have more resolve to pray for God's healing before surgery. The timeline for the surgery will be 6 weeks after completing radiation. The reason for this is that radiation is still working for 4 weeks after we discontinue and the two weeks will be for a little healing of the tender area. Dr. Sarantou thinks the first type of surgery would work best on Rex.

Today, Rex had a PET scan which is just another diagnostic test to help with the staging of this cancer. i.e. confirmation that it is not anywhere else and there are no other questionable areas. It might even help us with the single questionable lymph node.

We also met with the oncologist again. He originally wanted to admit Rex in Catawba today and start a chemo drip and radiation for this week. There has been a change in plans though. We will not able to start the radiation until Wednesday, so the chemo drip will not be as effective unless we can start on Monday. Both oncologists (chemo and radiation) believe that these two must be given together to reach maximum effect. And, since radiation is only given Mon-Fri, there's really no point in giving the chemo in the drip Wed - Fri of this week. The doctos think that he needs a full week to really have an impact on this cancer. So...Rex will be taking a chemo pill starting Tuesday night, so it will be in his system when he starts radiation Wednesday. Then, on Monday the 23rd, he will be admitted to the Catawba for the chemo drip. He will do a chemo drip for the full four days and also will be taking his pill each day. He will continue to take the pills for the full duration of the radiation. He will only take pills during the week when he's having radiation, and he will not take them on the weekends. This change in treatment will actually be easier on Rex, not as harsh of treatment. The radiation oncologist will probably check the mass sometime during this process to see if we are making headway and hopefully it will shrink to nothing. This change is better also because I was feeling pretty bad Sunday night. I had chills during the afternoon, but just thought it was hormonal. But when we went to church, the longer I sat, the worse I felt. So, we came home early - I ran a fever 100 -102 throughout the night with my body aching from head to toe. I was very worried about having this right before Rex was to go in the hospital for both the reasons of exposing him to it and also being able to be with him at the hospital. God took care of it since he won't be admitted til next week. I even believe that he allowed me to get sick and allowed the change in treatment because it will be better served.

Sometimes, this all seems so surreal. I never would have thought that we would have been strong enough to bear this; amazingly, God has given us the grace and peace to confront this and lean on Him. We feel somewhat numb sometimes. Through it all, we have a peace that passes understanding. We definitely feel the prayers that are being lifted up.

I can't express enough how much your prayers mean to us. When I send these updates and when you reply, Rex reads all of them. He is not a typist, so he prefers that I do it. I guess I look at these emails as part of my privilege in helping to care for Rex, because I believe that there is more power in prayer than any treatment man can give. As long as people will pray, we welcome your prayers.

"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, says the Lord, and I will bring you back from your captivity; I will gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you, says the Lord, and I will bring you to the place from which I cause you to be carried away captive."
Jer 29:11-14

Isn't this powerful and comforting? God is good all the time!

Michelle Stewart reminded me of this scripture when she called and left a message for me. Thanks Michelle.

Only because of Him,

Donna Meadows

Tuesday, January 17, 2006 Update

I just want to share our days with you. Whenever I am angry, upset, sad, happy, frustrated, I tend to turn to researching Scripture and writing/typing my thoughts. And with this cancer junk, I feel a great release when I email these updates. It feels almost like I'm sprinkling prayer dust everywhere.

I went to my primary Dr. today and discovered I had strep. It wasn't an ordinary visit, though. I've shared this with some of you already. But, I will share with the rest. There is a specific dr. in the office I like to see, and he had no available appointments for today, so I ended up with second choice. To give a little background, Rex and I have never gone to this office together that I can remember. He's gone a few times; I have been once or twice myself, and I have taken the kids for their checkups all over a span of ten years. We just aren't there frequently. So, much to surprise, when the nurse was getting ready to swab my throat, she asked me how Rex was doing. I was somewhat shocked because I didn't know she knew to put the name with a face much less connect it to me. She obviously knew that he had cancer. So, I gave her a summary (a lot shorter than these emails - ha ha). Then, when the doctor came in, he started talking to me about Rex and wanted to know if I went to church, and if we were faithful. He just kept asking questions starting out gently probing until he received a confirmation of salvation. Then, he went on to tell me the story of Esau and Jacob starting with Jacob stealing Esau's birthright all the way to Jacob trying to reconcile with Esau. I wasn't sure where he was going with this, but the doctor was very intent on this story. I listened. Then, he got to the part you read in Genesis 32 where Jacob wrestled with a man of God all night, and the man afflicted Jacob in the hip by knocking it out of joint, and as they wrestled Jacob would not let go. The man implored Jacob to let him go and he would not until the man blessed Jacob. My doctor then said, "You and Rex are about to go into a wrestling. You hold onto God and don't let go until He gives you a blessing." He then asked me to come home and read Psalms, specifically Psalm 18. It was definitely unlike any doctor visit I have ever had. Then, as I checked out, he didn't even charge for the visit. Just another confirmation that God is in control.

We also went to the radiation oncologist again for Rex to get marked for radiation and also to get the results of the PET scan. He did not have good news. They saw something on the CT scan in the spleen, but really thought it was a cyst because they hadn't had any circumstances where esophageal cancer had gone to the spleen. The PET scan shows activity going on which lead the doctors to believe it is cancer. He also has more than lymph nodes than just the original single node showing activity. Plus, he has an adrenaline gland on top of the kidney showing activity. So...it appears worse than previously thought, and may mean surgery is not an option. It stages him to a Stage 4 cancer. Dr. Delcharco did not want to have to deliver this today. He told us that he had been dreading it all day. He then prayed with us, and offered up to God a precious prayer asking for healing and guidance and wisdom.

After we left, Rex asked me, "How am I supposed to feel?" I just asked him how he felt, and he replied, "I'm not dead yet. I've got things to do. I have to go camping with my family. I have to build my girls a treehouse. I've got lots of things to do." This puts life in perspective in a totally different way. I challenge everyone to think about this and ask yourself what are you doing to impact this world for Christ? Are you spending your time with things that last? I know that we have been majorly guilty of sitting in cruise control and enjoying the comfort zone.

I sort of feel like this is a two sided coin. One one side, I am surprised that God thought us capable of going through this (he never gives more than we can bear); on the other side, I am a little saddened that He had to take such drastic measures to get us out of our comfort zone. And, I hope that we don't try to nudge our way back in the comfort zone out of fear because God has a purpose and we must pursue it.

Love you all!
You have been incredible!

Keep praying,

Donna Meadows