I wanted to give an update since it has been several days. I am utterly exhausted right now. We have had very busy and tiring days this week. I gave an update on the events of Sunday. Monday and Tuesday weren't the easiest of days either. To give a recap, here is what has happened:
Sunday: We spent 7 hours at the ER with what really has been the most pathetic patient care that we have personally ever received. During these hours, Rex told three different people in the ER that he felt like he was dehydrated and needed some fluids. Everytime, the response was that his blood pressure was fine, thus no fluids. Now, to Monday.
Monday: We already had a scheduled appt. with Dr. Tate at 9am for what we believed was going to be the start of a week of chemo "in office." When we arrived, Rex' heart rate was a staggering 144, considering he hadn't done anything but get ready for his appt. that morning. The dr. was very concerned and spent quite a bit of time listening to his heart. He told us that he didn't think that this had anything to do with the cancer or chemo. Rex told him about our day at the ER, and Dr. Tate asked if they had given him any fluids there. No. Dr. Tate left to go make a phone call to Rex' primary dr. to discuss his heart rate and schedule an appt. for Rex to see his primary dr. When Tate came back, Rex told him that he felt like he was dehydrated even though his blood pressure was steady. Tate agreed and said that we might as well get some fluids since we were there. Lo and behold, the fluids brought his heart rate down and calmed the erratic beating. It was such a difference that they decided to go ahead and give him the chemo that was planned. So, the 9 am appt. ended up being an all day affair; the girls and I did get to come home for about an hour to get something to eat before we went back to pick Rex up and get him to radiation. We got home around 4pm from all of that.
Monday was also Erin's 9th birthday. She was a little upset because it had not been her idea of a good way to spend her special day. We did get a chance to celebrate that evening with just the five of us; that lifted her spirit and helped overshadow the day spent in waiting at dr. offices.
Tuesday: I woke up again with my neck out of joint. Again, this usually happens once a year for me. Since all of this has started with Rex, it has done this three times. I know it is tension getting to my body. I decided to make an appt. for an adjustment. So, now there were 4 dr. appts. scheduled for Tuesday. Rex had chemo from 11:30 - 2:30, radiation at 3:30, and a follow-up with Dr. Wright at 4:15. I had my appt. at 3:00 and the girls had a music lesson from 2:00 - 3:00 -- there 's nothing like double booking and overbooking appts. We were able to adjust the music lesson to 1:45 -2:45 giving us enough time for me to get my dr. appt. Rex had driven himself to his appts. While at the girls' music lesson, Lindsey decided unvoluntarily that we didn't have enough on our plate for the day, so she started vomiting -- fortunately, we were already in the bathroom, and I was able to get her to the toilet before she started vomiting. I was afraid that she had some kind of bug because on the way to music, she didn't look good, and she said that her stomach hurt. We made it through music with no more vomiting, but as we started to leave, Lindsey had another moment, and she did a good job of spraying herself and the car with lots of vomit. Lindsey being naked and me running late for my appt., we made it there. Rex was in between appts. so he showed up to help watch the girls while I was in my appt. I couldn't let him near Lindsey because his immune system is nothing. So, Rex sat in one car while the girls sat in the other. My dr. appt. was running way behind, and at one point, Rex left went across the street to his radiation appt. and then came back before I had even seen the dr. Finally, we were out of my appt. headed to Rex' last appt. I felt that I needed to be there because we had not seen this dr. since right after Rex' diagnosis, and I wasn't sure what he was going to be talking to Rex about -- this dr. had actually called our house to make this appt. rather than us calling him. With Lindsey being naked, I needed clothes. Rex went on to the appt., and I ran to a nearby consignment shop to get Lindsey some clothes to put on. We made it to the appt. before Rex had been called back.
It was a good appt. -- Dr. Wright is by far the best dr. we have seen through all of this. He is extremely on top of things medically and with the care of his patients. He wanted an update on everything that had happened treatment-wise since he had last seen Rex, including our recent ER experience, and where we were scheduled to go next. We left there - Rex taking the two older girls and me with Lindsey. Lindsey and I made a trip to the store for Pedialyte and Gatorade. Lindsey made it through the night and woke up happy as could be proclaiming that she was all better. Thank you Jesus.
Wednesday: It was a bit of a normal day today with homeschool gym and swim for us, and Rex to chemo and radiation. He is a bit run down today as the chemo is starting to bring his body down again. I think that we are all tired from a hectic week so far.
Please pray for us to have some down time where we can rest; pray for Rex' body to hold its fluids this week; pray that this chemo and radiation is doing supernaturally far more than it could do on its own; pray that his body will have no cancer when we have the next PET scan done on March 7th.
Once again, thank you for your prayers.
Donna Meadows
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Sunday, February 19, 2006
Sunday, February 19, 2006
We had a pretty big scare today. As many of you know, we started out this morning doing great. We went to Sunday School; Rex did good and felt good. We went to the church service and within 10-15 minutes he started feeling dizzy, like he was spinning. He sat down to try to sit it out, but it proceeded to get worse. I asked him if we needed to go home, and he said yes. Rex went on to the car while I gathered the kids together. I could tell Rex was worried about himself. I have learned from being married to him for 11 years that Rex has a very high tolerance for pain; he tolerates sickness well. The bad part of that is that he has a tendency to wait until it's really serious before he gets treatment. When I got to the car, I asked him if he thought we needed to go the hospital. He was pretty pale. He agreed. Now, I was very concerned about him. When you go to the ER, you never know how long you are going to wait. While we were waiting, Rex' heartbeat was very erratic, beating very fast and then slowing down. At one point, while sitting there, Rex grabbed his chest, and cried out in desperation for help. It nearly scared Terry (Rex' brother) and I to death. I literally thought Rex was dying right there. He asked us to pray for him. His heartbeat was erratic; his head, hands, and legs were tingling; he was chilled to the bone. We prayed for him. I have never felt so helpless in my life. All I could say is, "Please God, help him." My mind was panicked. I didn't know what to do. All I could think is, "Please God, don't let him die here; please don't let him die in front of the kids." Then, after about 10-20 minutes, his heartbeat started to beat more regular and the tingling went away. He was still very scared, and weak, and his pulse stayed high. They put a heart monitor on him, and also did a CT scan to see if he had any blood clots in his lungs. It came back clear. 7 hours after arriving at the ER, Rex was ok'd to go home and instructed to see his doctor within 24 hours. We already have an appt. at 9am Monday, so that is good.
Rex thought he was going to die when that happened in the waiting room. It was a frightening experience. He is still pretty shook up about it.
We thought about it and went back over the timeline for everything, and we were able to ascertain that when Rex was having that attack, the church body was praying for Rex within that 10 minute time frame. I believe with all my heart that God intervened for Rex in what ever was going on inside his body. Knowing Rex, and seeing it with my own eyes, I believe that it was nothing short of God answering prayer.
Thank you for praying church body.
Please pray for us as we meet with doctors this week. We are struggling with taking more chemo. Pray that God will guide us in the direction that we need to go with Rex' treatment and care. Pray for God to give wisdom to the doctors' who are caring for Rex.
Thank you for being there, caring for us, and bearing our burdens. Words will never adequately express our thankfulness.
Donna Meadows
Rex thought he was going to die when that happened in the waiting room. It was a frightening experience. He is still pretty shook up about it.
We thought about it and went back over the timeline for everything, and we were able to ascertain that when Rex was having that attack, the church body was praying for Rex within that 10 minute time frame. I believe with all my heart that God intervened for Rex in what ever was going on inside his body. Knowing Rex, and seeing it with my own eyes, I believe that it was nothing short of God answering prayer.
Thank you for praying church body.
Please pray for us as we meet with doctors this week. We are struggling with taking more chemo. Pray that God will guide us in the direction that we need to go with Rex' treatment and care. Pray for God to give wisdom to the doctors' who are caring for Rex.
Thank you for being there, caring for us, and bearing our burdens. Words will never adequately express our thankfulness.
Donna Meadows
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Thursday, February 16, 2006 update
This week has been rough on Rex. We were expecting for him to be in the hospital this week. It was nice to have a break from chemo; at the same time, the reason for the break is due to his low blood count which means he is weak. Also, this week his esophagus has been really tender making it harder for him to eat and drink. Rex has lost another five pounds. He has eaten something everyday, but it burns and hurts to do so. Imagine having an open sore or wound and taking a brush across the open wound, that is how Rex described it. He is determined to eat though.
This is such a learning experience for us. We don't know quite what questions to ask, what to expect as we start through this. For example, we now know to make sure that we know what his blood count is before he takes his chemo from now on. We now know what to expect when his blood count does get low. We were told that Rex would bottom out 7-14 days after the chemo drip, but when he bottomed out that very weekend, we thought that that was it. We weren't prepared for another bottom with his low blood count. We were informed a little, but what do you really mean with "bottom out" -- now we know.
He seems much stronger this morning than previously this week. He ate a good breakfast with not near as much pain. It is probably sheer determination more than anything that gets him through that. His energy level looks much better today; I can see it in his eyes; I can tell by how much he converses. When Rex is in pain or at a low point, he says very little.
When I go by a few days without emailing, sometimes, it's because Rex is at a low and I haven't even had time to get on the computer. Sometimes, it's because we are doing great, and I haven't taken time to get on the computer. I covet your prayers for us, and I want to keep you updated because it helps you to know how to pray, and we certainly reap benefits from your prayers.
I would like to take some time today and tell you some answers to prayer that we have seen since this has started:
In the beginning, we were told that he had a large mass in his esophagus and that he would have to live primarily on Boost and he would probably have to have his esophagus expanded every couple of weeks just so he could swalllow. Praise: Rex has overall eaten better in the last six weeks than he did the prior three months to finding this mass. He hasn't had to have his esophagus expanded at all since the initial diagnosis.
In the beginning, Rex was given some strong pain medication to take during this time. Praise: He hasn't taken anything other than ibuprofen.
In the beginning, we were told that a feeding tube could be likely. Praise: So far, eating is good even if painful at times. The pain is associated with the rawness of the esophagus from the radiation, not from not being able to get food down.
We were told that about all of these side effects that were likely to exhibit themselves through this chemo. Praise: He really hasn't had any to specifically name. He hasn't even lost his hair yet.
We prayed for guidance through this process, and wisdom about Rex' treatment plan. Praise: Everything that we have consulted so far with conventional treatment has been consistent. God is also opening doors for some nutritional treatment for Rex' health.
We weren't sure how Rex was going to fare with him being the employee carrying the insurance. Praise: God is taking care of that with caring co-workers and compassion with the Human Resources department to do what is available for Rex.
We weren't tremendously concerned with paying our bills, yet they do exist and with Rex' not working, income is diminished. Praise: Without even asking, God has continued to meet those needs through various individuals who have been obedient as God leads them. We have received groceries, meals, and money that have met those needs as they have come about.
We wanted and continue to want this experience to glorify God and bring people closer to Him. Praise: I believe that God is doing that from the feedback that we are getting. I can't wait to share more about this someday.
I have wanted God to use me in a way that my mind could have never conceived or imagined. Praise: With tears in my eyes, I can't help but think that He will do that. I am so humbled that God has taken my earnest prayer and is using it beyond what I ever ever thought possible in my life. I don't know where or how far He is going to take this, but I pray that it will always be about Him, and that it will bring glory to Almighty God!
There are people, loved ones and strangers, that are going through some pretty hard times. They are hurting inside; they don't think that they can endure another day of pain and hurt, whether it be physical, emotional, and/or spiritual. They can't even look at the wounds; it hurts too bad. Please look to Jesus for your healing. If you seek it, and want it, He will hear your cry and answer. It may require some even harder days to face it and be obedient, but wouldn't you rather face a few more hard days of pain and have it heal than to just cover it and allow it to fester on? Please allow God to heal you and your family. God can take that wound, that enemy, and heal it, remove it, and transform your life into something supernaturally marvelous. Our enemy right now is cancer. We are holding on, grasping on to the hem of Jesus' garment and pleading for his mercy and healing. What is the wound in your life? What form has the enemy in your life taken? Is it some trauma from your past? Is it some illness? Is it anger? Is it bitterness? Is it your tongue? Is it a habit? Is is your job? Is it pride? Really, that enemy is anything that stands between you and God.
II Samuel 22:32 -51 32 "For who is God, except the Lord? And who is a rock, except our God? 33 God is my strength and power, And He makes my way perfect. 34 He makes my feet like the feet of deer, And sets me on my high places. 35 He teaches my hands to make war, So that my arms can bend a bow of bronze. 36 "You have also given me the shield of Your salvation; Your gentleness has made me great. 37 You enlarged my path under me; So my feet did not slip. 38 "I have pursued my enemies and destroyed them; Neither did I turn back again till they were destroyed. 39 And I have destroyed them and wounded them, So that they could not rise; They have fallen under my feet. 40 For You have armed me with strength for the battle; You have subdued under me those who rose against me. 41 You have also given me the necks of my enemies, So that I destroyed those who hated me. 42 They looked, but there was none to save; Even to the Lord, but He did not answer them. 43 Then I beat them as fine as the dust of the earth; I trod them like dirt in the streets, And I spread them out. 44 "You have also delivered me from the strivings of my people; You have kept me as the head of the nations. A people I have not known shall serve me. 45 The foreigners submit to me; As soon as they hear, they obey me. 46 The foreigners fade away, And come frightened from their hideouts. 47 "The Lord lives! Blessed be my Rock! Let God be exalted, The Rock of my salvation! 48 It is God who avenges me, And subdues the peoples under me; 49 He delivers me from my enemies. You also lift me up above those who rise against me; You have delivered me from the violent man. 50 Therefore I will give thanks to You, O Lord, among the Gentiles, And sing praises to Your name. 51 "He is the tower of salvation to His king, And shows mercy to His anointed, To David and his descendants forevermore."
The whole chapter of II Samuel 22 is great! It shows God's power and might and love for us. I admonish you to read all of it and meditate on it.
There are people, loved ones and strangers alike, that are reading these updates regularly that don't know the peace of God, that don't understand what I talk about, that don't have the hope of Jesus Christ in their life, that can't lay their head down on their pillow at night knowing that they are eternally safe in the arms of Jesus -- it is for these people that I earnestly pray when I do these updates. Please don't wait until it is too late. That tug at your heart is none other than the tug of Jesus wanting to make you whole. Why do you wait? Why do you put if off? Do you think that if we knew the exact remedy for Rex' cancer that we would wait or put it off for another day? Absolutely not! So, why are you waiting for the cure to fill the void in your soul? Don't wait. Please don't wait.
Revelation 3:20 Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me.
The King of Kings and Lord of Lords wants to meet you right where you are!
God bless you!
Thank God for this beautiful day!
Donna Meadows
This is such a learning experience for us. We don't know quite what questions to ask, what to expect as we start through this. For example, we now know to make sure that we know what his blood count is before he takes his chemo from now on. We now know what to expect when his blood count does get low. We were told that Rex would bottom out 7-14 days after the chemo drip, but when he bottomed out that very weekend, we thought that that was it. We weren't prepared for another bottom with his low blood count. We were informed a little, but what do you really mean with "bottom out" -- now we know.
He seems much stronger this morning than previously this week. He ate a good breakfast with not near as much pain. It is probably sheer determination more than anything that gets him through that. His energy level looks much better today; I can see it in his eyes; I can tell by how much he converses. When Rex is in pain or at a low point, he says very little.
When I go by a few days without emailing, sometimes, it's because Rex is at a low and I haven't even had time to get on the computer. Sometimes, it's because we are doing great, and I haven't taken time to get on the computer. I covet your prayers for us, and I want to keep you updated because it helps you to know how to pray, and we certainly reap benefits from your prayers.
I would like to take some time today and tell you some answers to prayer that we have seen since this has started:
In the beginning, we were told that he had a large mass in his esophagus and that he would have to live primarily on Boost and he would probably have to have his esophagus expanded every couple of weeks just so he could swalllow. Praise: Rex has overall eaten better in the last six weeks than he did the prior three months to finding this mass. He hasn't had to have his esophagus expanded at all since the initial diagnosis.
In the beginning, Rex was given some strong pain medication to take during this time. Praise: He hasn't taken anything other than ibuprofen.
In the beginning, we were told that a feeding tube could be likely. Praise: So far, eating is good even if painful at times. The pain is associated with the rawness of the esophagus from the radiation, not from not being able to get food down.
We were told that about all of these side effects that were likely to exhibit themselves through this chemo. Praise: He really hasn't had any to specifically name. He hasn't even lost his hair yet.
We prayed for guidance through this process, and wisdom about Rex' treatment plan. Praise: Everything that we have consulted so far with conventional treatment has been consistent. God is also opening doors for some nutritional treatment for Rex' health.
We weren't sure how Rex was going to fare with him being the employee carrying the insurance. Praise: God is taking care of that with caring co-workers and compassion with the Human Resources department to do what is available for Rex.
We weren't tremendously concerned with paying our bills, yet they do exist and with Rex' not working, income is diminished. Praise: Without even asking, God has continued to meet those needs through various individuals who have been obedient as God leads them. We have received groceries, meals, and money that have met those needs as they have come about.
We wanted and continue to want this experience to glorify God and bring people closer to Him. Praise: I believe that God is doing that from the feedback that we are getting. I can't wait to share more about this someday.
I have wanted God to use me in a way that my mind could have never conceived or imagined. Praise: With tears in my eyes, I can't help but think that He will do that. I am so humbled that God has taken my earnest prayer and is using it beyond what I ever ever thought possible in my life. I don't know where or how far He is going to take this, but I pray that it will always be about Him, and that it will bring glory to Almighty God!
There are people, loved ones and strangers, that are going through some pretty hard times. They are hurting inside; they don't think that they can endure another day of pain and hurt, whether it be physical, emotional, and/or spiritual. They can't even look at the wounds; it hurts too bad. Please look to Jesus for your healing. If you seek it, and want it, He will hear your cry and answer. It may require some even harder days to face it and be obedient, but wouldn't you rather face a few more hard days of pain and have it heal than to just cover it and allow it to fester on? Please allow God to heal you and your family. God can take that wound, that enemy, and heal it, remove it, and transform your life into something supernaturally marvelous. Our enemy right now is cancer. We are holding on, grasping on to the hem of Jesus' garment and pleading for his mercy and healing. What is the wound in your life? What form has the enemy in your life taken? Is it some trauma from your past? Is it some illness? Is it anger? Is it bitterness? Is it your tongue? Is it a habit? Is is your job? Is it pride? Really, that enemy is anything that stands between you and God.
II Samuel 22:32 -51 32 "For who is God, except the Lord? And who is a rock, except our God? 33 God is my strength and power, And He makes my way perfect. 34 He makes my feet like the feet of deer, And sets me on my high places. 35 He teaches my hands to make war, So that my arms can bend a bow of bronze. 36 "You have also given me the shield of Your salvation; Your gentleness has made me great. 37 You enlarged my path under me; So my feet did not slip. 38 "I have pursued my enemies and destroyed them; Neither did I turn back again till they were destroyed. 39 And I have destroyed them and wounded them, So that they could not rise; They have fallen under my feet. 40 For You have armed me with strength for the battle; You have subdued under me those who rose against me. 41 You have also given me the necks of my enemies, So that I destroyed those who hated me. 42 They looked, but there was none to save; Even to the Lord, but He did not answer them. 43 Then I beat them as fine as the dust of the earth; I trod them like dirt in the streets, And I spread them out. 44 "You have also delivered me from the strivings of my people; You have kept me as the head of the nations. A people I have not known shall serve me. 45 The foreigners submit to me; As soon as they hear, they obey me. 46 The foreigners fade away, And come frightened from their hideouts. 47 "The Lord lives! Blessed be my Rock! Let God be exalted, The Rock of my salvation! 48 It is God who avenges me, And subdues the peoples under me; 49 He delivers me from my enemies. You also lift me up above those who rise against me; You have delivered me from the violent man. 50 Therefore I will give thanks to You, O Lord, among the Gentiles, And sing praises to Your name. 51 "He is the tower of salvation to His king, And shows mercy to His anointed, To David and his descendants forevermore."
The whole chapter of II Samuel 22 is great! It shows God's power and might and love for us. I admonish you to read all of it and meditate on it.
There are people, loved ones and strangers alike, that are reading these updates regularly that don't know the peace of God, that don't understand what I talk about, that don't have the hope of Jesus Christ in their life, that can't lay their head down on their pillow at night knowing that they are eternally safe in the arms of Jesus -- it is for these people that I earnestly pray when I do these updates. Please don't wait until it is too late. That tug at your heart is none other than the tug of Jesus wanting to make you whole. Why do you wait? Why do you put if off? Do you think that if we knew the exact remedy for Rex' cancer that we would wait or put it off for another day? Absolutely not! So, why are you waiting for the cure to fill the void in your soul? Don't wait. Please don't wait.
Revelation 3:20 Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me.
The King of Kings and Lord of Lords wants to meet you right where you are!
God bless you!
Thank God for this beautiful day!
Donna Meadows
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Monday, February 13, 2006
We went to the doctor's office this morning to prepare for Rex' week in the hospital, and then to the hospital. While Rex was being admitted and all the preparations done, the nurse checked with the lab on his blood count, and it was too low for chemo; so, we came home today. He is officially off of chemo and radiation until next week. We are relieved so much. We both were really dreading this week of chemo.
Have a great day!
Donna
Have a great day!
Donna
Saturday, February 11, 2006
Friday, February 10, 2006 #2
Well...I have to share how God blessed today, especially after sharing my unbelief this morning. I was doubting and not trusting God for our health insurance, and now I am a little ashamed that I not only doubted, but I told numerous people about it by email and blog. I don't feel wrong about being concerned; I do feel ashamed about saying that I trust God with Rex' health, I trust God with our bills, BUT I don't trust God with our health insurance. I don't know why the health insurance was such an issue except, I guess, I was thinking about the fact that Rex works for a national company and that personnel policies must be upheld and making exceptions open the company up for a lawsuit, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, I do want to share what God has done.
We had a conference call with a lady from the Human Resources dept. and she explained our options for Rex. They are going to reduce his status to a 35 hour/ week status, which means that he is only expected as a full-time employee to work 35 hours/week. Then, we are going to attempt to have Rex put on what is called intermittent leave, which allows him to work as he is able with benefits intact. Any hour he works under 35 will be accumulated throughout this year. As long as he does not go over 480 hours of that accumulated leave time, he will not have to roll over to Cobra. Also, Rex' supervisor says that once the intermittent leave is in place, that there are employees that want to donate some of their own time with the company to Rex, and this company allows for that. I was blown away! What a blessing. They are actually being incredible; many of you have experienced first hand the lack of concern/loyalty when it comes to big corporate world to families and their needs. This to me is nothing but a God thing. God letting him work under such great supervisors. God putting people in place to take care of this in such a wonderfully compassionate way. Thank you so much for your prayers.
I am so sorry I ever doubted God's provision; I hope that I didn't cause anyone to stumble in their belief of Almighty God, His Sovreignty, and His control of everything in our lives.
Numbers 14:11 Then the Lord said to Moses: "How long will these people reject Me? And how long will they not believe Me, with all the signs which I have performed among them?
God has proven over and over that He loves His people and takes care of them. Sometimes, when I read how the Israelites toggled between contentment and whining and complaining after God brought them out of Egypt in such a mighty way, I want to say what is wrong with you Israelites? Can't you see that God is going to take care of you just by looking at what He has already done? Why do you doubt Him? When will you ever learn? Well...I am really no different. How in the world could I have ever doubted (not believed) when God has shown me so many signs in my life, in our lives that HE IS IN CONTROL. When will I ever learn?
Anyway, please forgive me for spreading unbelief.
God is so good.
Donna Meadows
We had a conference call with a lady from the Human Resources dept. and she explained our options for Rex. They are going to reduce his status to a 35 hour/ week status, which means that he is only expected as a full-time employee to work 35 hours/week. Then, we are going to attempt to have Rex put on what is called intermittent leave, which allows him to work as he is able with benefits intact. Any hour he works under 35 will be accumulated throughout this year. As long as he does not go over 480 hours of that accumulated leave time, he will not have to roll over to Cobra. Also, Rex' supervisor says that once the intermittent leave is in place, that there are employees that want to donate some of their own time with the company to Rex, and this company allows for that. I was blown away! What a blessing. They are actually being incredible; many of you have experienced first hand the lack of concern/loyalty when it comes to big corporate world to families and their needs. This to me is nothing but a God thing. God letting him work under such great supervisors. God putting people in place to take care of this in such a wonderfully compassionate way. Thank you so much for your prayers.
I am so sorry I ever doubted God's provision; I hope that I didn't cause anyone to stumble in their belief of Almighty God, His Sovreignty, and His control of everything in our lives.
Numbers 14:11 Then the Lord said to Moses: "How long will these people reject Me? And how long will they not believe Me, with all the signs which I have performed among them?
God has proven over and over that He loves His people and takes care of them. Sometimes, when I read how the Israelites toggled between contentment and whining and complaining after God brought them out of Egypt in such a mighty way, I want to say what is wrong with you Israelites? Can't you see that God is going to take care of you just by looking at what He has already done? Why do you doubt Him? When will you ever learn? Well...I am really no different. How in the world could I have ever doubted (not believed) when God has shown me so many signs in my life, in our lives that HE IS IN CONTROL. When will I ever learn?
Anyway, please forgive me for spreading unbelief.
God is so good.
Donna Meadows
Friday, February 10, 2006
Friday, February 10, 2006
Rex is not feeling well today. He came home early from work yesterday because he wasn't feeling well. His stamina is not strong enough to allow him to work a full week. He has tried to work somewhat regular hours, and he wiped out yesterday. He came home and went straight to bed and slept several hours. His back started hurting this week. I was concerned that it was his kidneys, but it only hurts when he moves. One of the side effects of the Xeloda(chemo pill) that he is taking is joint pain -- I believe he is experiencing that because he is hurting in places where he has had injuries or pain in joints and areas before the cancer. The other thing that has flared up is his gout. He usually has a flare up maybe once a year. He woke up in excruciating pain at 2 am. His pillow was completely soaked with sweat. It finally eased off a little after he took his medicine for gout.
My heart is heavy right now. I, naturally, do better when Rex is doing well. Overall, he is doing great with all of this; and, I truly believe it is because of your prayers for him. When he is not doing so great, I do not do great either. I don't want that because I want to be able to be the caretaker that Rex needs, and I want to be able to be strong and consistent for the kids; I seem to stress out somewhat, and breakdown from time to time. It is a day by day process. It doesn't build and build, and then I need to relieve it. It is so unpredictable. I do great several days, and then, I just have a down day. My down days usually coincide with Rex' down days. Since his days are not predictable, neither are mine. When Rex is doing great I can forget briefly that he is sick, and when he is not feeling well, I am reminded of it, and then I have sadness and tears over it. They are not tears of anger. Rather, I think they are tears of just sadness and grief for Rex and the girls. My grief for Rex is because he wants to see his girls grow up and grow old with me, and I don't want him to have to endure this nasty stuff. My grief for the girls is simply because they love their daddy so much and want him to get better. He is a good husband; he is a good father. I want him to stay with us. I don't want him to be sick.
I know that days like this are to be expected. I have only had a couple days like this, so far. I don't want to just send emails when things are great because I do covet your prayers for us.
Rex is scheduled to go back into the hospital for another round of chemo drip next week (Monday Feb. 12th - Friday Feb. 17th). We thought it wouldn't be until the week after next. We have to prepare emotionally for this. All of you who have ever had to go through this chemo stuff, understand the dread of it. Just about the time he starts feeling fairly normal, he has to go through the cycle again. This round should hit his body harder than last time, so that adds to the dread of it. And, I'm sure that it adds to the heaviness in my heart. Rex is having a really hard time taking his Xeloda everyday, too. He is taking 3,600mg of Xeloda each day throughout the week (10 pills each day). He has to force himself to take them everytime. He has not been really sick since the last weekend in January right after he came home from the hospital, but he has some nausea 24/7. Sometimes, when he eats, it eases it; sometimes, it worsens - not a whole lot of rhyme and reason to it.
Rex is going to talk with Human Resources today at his work. They have started questioning his work schedule lately. They originally told us that he would have to work an average of 35 hours a week in order to keep his insurance. Obviously, he didn't work the week he was in the hospital, and he couldn't work the week after because he was sick and had no strength. This week he has gone to work, but I am not real sure that he is even going to be able to work 35 hours. He just doesn't have the stamina. Please pray that they will be compassionate and work with him. His supervisor has been great, but she can only do so much for Rex; beyond that, it's in the hands of other people, and more specifically, their personnel handbook. He has really good insurance, so we don't really want to lose it. I personally don't sweat the lack of pay we've had right now, but I do find myself sweating the lack of health insurance through this. Why is it that I trust God with Rex' health, I trust God with our bills, but I don't seem to trust God with our health insurance? That just seems so silly to me to feel that way, but I do.
I know that there have been many who have thought, "Why, Rex?" I don't know the answer to that except to say that I believe that God allowed it because He knew that it would have a positive impact on the people around Rex. He knew it would forever change our lives. I firmly believe that God wants the people around us - family, friends, even strangers - to give their lives to Christ for the first time, or to renew their relationship with Christ, or to find healing of something in their heart.
I have seen more wounded hearts around me since all of this began than ever before. Wounds manifest themselves outwardly, somehow. They never stay inside just to inflict pain on the victim. You have probably heard about the analogy of the rotten apple basket story. I heard it when I was a teenager used by my parents to talk about my choices in friends. If you have good apples next to some apples that are rotting, the rotting apples will affect the good apples to rot. Never do you see the rotting apples stop rotting and become a good apple.
But, look at even further. If you take the rotting apple and remove it from the basket of apples, it doesn't affect the good apples anymore. Further, the longer the rotting apple sits, the more rotten it gets. Now, look at wounds in your life. If you don't deal with the wound or allow healing in your life, then the wound gets worse, it spreads and starts affecting the areas around it. It spreads further until it affects others around you starting with those that are closest to you. Now, you have allowed your wound to begin to wound others.
What is the remedy? I think it first begins with acknowledging the wound in your life: what caused it, how it has festered in your life and wounded the lives of those around you. Then, I think you need to seek God's face for healing for yourself and for those around you that have been affected. God wants to give you a life that is not gripped by hurt, pain, and sin. Don't let the evil one trick you into thinking that you are doomed and that there is no hope for you. You do not have to live a wounded life.
Hosea 10:12 Sow for yourselves righteousness; Reap in mercy; Break up your fallow ground, For it is time to seek the Lord, Till He comes and rains righteousness on you.
Isaiah 58:8-12 8 Then your light shall break forth like the morning, Your healing shall spring forth speedily, And your righteousness shall go before you; The glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard. 9 Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer; You shall cry, and He will say, 'Here I am.' "If you take away the yoke from your midst, The pointing of the finger, and speaking wickedness, 10 If you extend your soul to the hungry And satisfy the afflicted soul, Then your light shall dawn in the darkness, And your darkness shall be as the noonday. 11 The Lord will guide you continually, And satisfy your soul in drought, And strengthen your bones; You shall be like a watered garden, And like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail. 12 Those from among you Shall build the old waste places; You shall raise up the foundations of many generations; And you shall be called the Repairer of the Breach, The Restorer of Streets to Dwell In.
I started this with a heavy heart, and God has already given me a refreshed spirit. God is good all the time.
Donna Meadows
My heart is heavy right now. I, naturally, do better when Rex is doing well. Overall, he is doing great with all of this; and, I truly believe it is because of your prayers for him. When he is not doing so great, I do not do great either. I don't want that because I want to be able to be the caretaker that Rex needs, and I want to be able to be strong and consistent for the kids; I seem to stress out somewhat, and breakdown from time to time. It is a day by day process. It doesn't build and build, and then I need to relieve it. It is so unpredictable. I do great several days, and then, I just have a down day. My down days usually coincide with Rex' down days. Since his days are not predictable, neither are mine. When Rex is doing great I can forget briefly that he is sick, and when he is not feeling well, I am reminded of it, and then I have sadness and tears over it. They are not tears of anger. Rather, I think they are tears of just sadness and grief for Rex and the girls. My grief for Rex is because he wants to see his girls grow up and grow old with me, and I don't want him to have to endure this nasty stuff. My grief for the girls is simply because they love their daddy so much and want him to get better. He is a good husband; he is a good father. I want him to stay with us. I don't want him to be sick.
I know that days like this are to be expected. I have only had a couple days like this, so far. I don't want to just send emails when things are great because I do covet your prayers for us.
Rex is scheduled to go back into the hospital for another round of chemo drip next week (Monday Feb. 12th - Friday Feb. 17th). We thought it wouldn't be until the week after next. We have to prepare emotionally for this. All of you who have ever had to go through this chemo stuff, understand the dread of it. Just about the time he starts feeling fairly normal, he has to go through the cycle again. This round should hit his body harder than last time, so that adds to the dread of it. And, I'm sure that it adds to the heaviness in my heart. Rex is having a really hard time taking his Xeloda everyday, too. He is taking 3,600mg of Xeloda each day throughout the week (10 pills each day). He has to force himself to take them everytime. He has not been really sick since the last weekend in January right after he came home from the hospital, but he has some nausea 24/7. Sometimes, when he eats, it eases it; sometimes, it worsens - not a whole lot of rhyme and reason to it.
Rex is going to talk with Human Resources today at his work. They have started questioning his work schedule lately. They originally told us that he would have to work an average of 35 hours a week in order to keep his insurance. Obviously, he didn't work the week he was in the hospital, and he couldn't work the week after because he was sick and had no strength. This week he has gone to work, but I am not real sure that he is even going to be able to work 35 hours. He just doesn't have the stamina. Please pray that they will be compassionate and work with him. His supervisor has been great, but she can only do so much for Rex; beyond that, it's in the hands of other people, and more specifically, their personnel handbook. He has really good insurance, so we don't really want to lose it. I personally don't sweat the lack of pay we've had right now, but I do find myself sweating the lack of health insurance through this. Why is it that I trust God with Rex' health, I trust God with our bills, but I don't seem to trust God with our health insurance? That just seems so silly to me to feel that way, but I do.
I know that there have been many who have thought, "Why, Rex?" I don't know the answer to that except to say that I believe that God allowed it because He knew that it would have a positive impact on the people around Rex. He knew it would forever change our lives. I firmly believe that God wants the people around us - family, friends, even strangers - to give their lives to Christ for the first time, or to renew their relationship with Christ, or to find healing of something in their heart.
I have seen more wounded hearts around me since all of this began than ever before. Wounds manifest themselves outwardly, somehow. They never stay inside just to inflict pain on the victim. You have probably heard about the analogy of the rotten apple basket story. I heard it when I was a teenager used by my parents to talk about my choices in friends. If you have good apples next to some apples that are rotting, the rotting apples will affect the good apples to rot. Never do you see the rotting apples stop rotting and become a good apple.
But, look at even further. If you take the rotting apple and remove it from the basket of apples, it doesn't affect the good apples anymore. Further, the longer the rotting apple sits, the more rotten it gets. Now, look at wounds in your life. If you don't deal with the wound or allow healing in your life, then the wound gets worse, it spreads and starts affecting the areas around it. It spreads further until it affects others around you starting with those that are closest to you. Now, you have allowed your wound to begin to wound others.
What is the remedy? I think it first begins with acknowledging the wound in your life: what caused it, how it has festered in your life and wounded the lives of those around you. Then, I think you need to seek God's face for healing for yourself and for those around you that have been affected. God wants to give you a life that is not gripped by hurt, pain, and sin. Don't let the evil one trick you into thinking that you are doomed and that there is no hope for you. You do not have to live a wounded life.
Hosea 10:12 Sow for yourselves righteousness; Reap in mercy; Break up your fallow ground, For it is time to seek the Lord, Till He comes and rains righteousness on you.
Isaiah 58:8-12 8 Then your light shall break forth like the morning, Your healing shall spring forth speedily, And your righteousness shall go before you; The glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard. 9 Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer; You shall cry, and He will say, 'Here I am.' "If you take away the yoke from your midst, The pointing of the finger, and speaking wickedness, 10 If you extend your soul to the hungry And satisfy the afflicted soul, Then your light shall dawn in the darkness, And your darkness shall be as the noonday. 11 The Lord will guide you continually, And satisfy your soul in drought, And strengthen your bones; You shall be like a watered garden, And like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail. 12 Those from among you Shall build the old waste places; You shall raise up the foundations of many generations; And you shall be called the Repairer of the Breach, The Restorer of Streets to Dwell In.
I started this with a heavy heart, and God has already given me a refreshed spirit. God is good all the time.
Donna Meadows
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Tuesday, February 7, 2006 #2
Rex went to work Monday and today, and was able to work most of the day. That is a BIG praise! I am telling you that it is wonderful to see God bless Rex with the strength to work, and the ability to eat normally. He actually gained a pound! I give God the glory for it all. I thank you for the prayers. All of you that have been praying for Rex, this is answer to your prayers for him. I can't say thank you enough. It is my dream to be able to grow old with him. Before all of this came about, we would regularly joke about how we would be as an old couple. I smile just thinking about it. I still want that, cancer doesn't change our dreams.
Sunday, Feb. 5th, was the one year anniversary of Rex' mom's death. I wasn't sure how Rex would deal with it because the 1 year anniversary is usually an emotional milestone anyway, and for him to be dealing with his own mortality, could have made it even more emotional. I think he feels so thankful that she is in Heaven with Jesus and she's no longer struggling for every breath she takes that it is hard for him to have sorrow, especially when Rex knows that he will see her again someday.
Alot of times, I have something on my heart, and I spend more time sharing that than I do sharing anything dramatic about us or Rex. I share intentionally, but I didn't start emailing you all for that reason. My original reason for emailing was to genuinely let everyone know how we are doing, specifically how Rex is doing physically; however, it has turned into more than that.
As long as you don't mind me sharing, I will share. I said in an earlier email that when I am frustrated or burdened over something, I tend to write my thoughts and study Scripture about it. This is not anything new to me. What is new to me is sharing those thoughts in an email and sending them to others. When I write/type, it sets my heart free from worry; better than that, many times I believe that God enlightens me through it, and reveals something that I need from it. Best of all, I have found that it allows me to give my burdens to Jesus and trust that He understands, and He is in control of it. If it's something that is keeping me awake to the point that I can't sleep, I can usually easily go to sleep after I write about it.
I meant to send this out yesterday; instead, I felt I needed to do something different with my time. When all of this started, I was afraid that we would become self-involved. I was afraid that all my thoughts and concerns would turn inward on what Rex was going through, what I was going through, and what my girls were going through. To my unexpected surprise, the opposite has happened. We have a greater burden for the people around us than ever before. As I say this, I know that I am going to have to walk my talk. I hope that I will not ever, ever turn back because of fear.
I have told you that this has been an incredible journey so far. Can you believe that only a month has passed?
So much has happened in this past month. I have been so concerned with burdens that other people around me are carrying; things that I think are much more difficult than what we are going through.
I didn't think that God would ever allow me to be used to the depth that He is opening doors. I know that He is opening some of these doors because I have become a much more willing and obedient child. I wish that I could tell you everything that is going on behind the scenes. Hopefully, down the road, I will get to share some answers to prayer.
Sin's consequences are devastating beyond what we can imagine. So many people think that when they sin, they have allowed themselves to be fooled into thinking that no one else is affected. I once read a quote that I will never forget: We will never know the full consequence of sin just as we never know which snowflake caused the avalanche. Please, please think about the things you say to your loved ones - are they words of hurt or words of love? Think about the things you do, do you really think it's a secret? do you really think that it doesn't affect anyone else around you? do you really think that there is a tomorrow for you to make a positive change? Maybe there is, maybe there isn't. God has your days numbered; you do not know that number.
I am so thankful that we can personally ask for forgiveness from Almighty God instead of going through a priest. Leviticus 4 will make you very thankful for that, too. There is nothing that is too great for forgiveness. He is the all-powerful, all-knowing, ever-present God.
That sin that you think is unforgiveable - God is all-powerful; there is nothing he can't forgive. Rememer, our purpose is to glorify God. His forgiveness of even the worst sin is glory to God.
That sin that you think no one will know about - God is ever-present and all-knowing; He already knows about it. You may be hiding it from the people around you, but you are aware of it; God is very aware of it. Those close to you may be aware of it. It may be pride or fear that grips you and keeps you wrapped in your sin. Ultimately, you are missing out on the abundant life that God can give you and your sin is grieving the heart of God. What you cover, God uncovers; what you uncover, God covers.
That sin that you think that you will give up tomorrow - tomorrow may never come. You have reduced the Creator of Heaven and Earth to a mere handyman that you can call when you get in a jam. He is not a beggar; He is the King of Kings and Lord of Lords who made the ultimate sacrifice so that you and I can have life.
God is just and He is love. Because He is just, he can't ignore sin; there is judgment for sin. Because He is love, God has made a way for us to be forgiven by sending Jesus to this earth to die on the cross for us and pay the penalty of our sin. Will you acknowledge that you need forgiveness? Will you accept His forgiveness? Will you seek His healing in your life? He is ready to give it to you, not as a 24/7 handyman, rather as the all-powerful, all-knowing, ever-present God.
Psalm 103:12 As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us.
Love you guys,
Donna Meadows
Sunday, Feb. 5th, was the one year anniversary of Rex' mom's death. I wasn't sure how Rex would deal with it because the 1 year anniversary is usually an emotional milestone anyway, and for him to be dealing with his own mortality, could have made it even more emotional. I think he feels so thankful that she is in Heaven with Jesus and she's no longer struggling for every breath she takes that it is hard for him to have sorrow, especially when Rex knows that he will see her again someday.
Alot of times, I have something on my heart, and I spend more time sharing that than I do sharing anything dramatic about us or Rex. I share intentionally, but I didn't start emailing you all for that reason. My original reason for emailing was to genuinely let everyone know how we are doing, specifically how Rex is doing physically; however, it has turned into more than that.
As long as you don't mind me sharing, I will share. I said in an earlier email that when I am frustrated or burdened over something, I tend to write my thoughts and study Scripture about it. This is not anything new to me. What is new to me is sharing those thoughts in an email and sending them to others. When I write/type, it sets my heart free from worry; better than that, many times I believe that God enlightens me through it, and reveals something that I need from it. Best of all, I have found that it allows me to give my burdens to Jesus and trust that He understands, and He is in control of it. If it's something that is keeping me awake to the point that I can't sleep, I can usually easily go to sleep after I write about it.
I meant to send this out yesterday; instead, I felt I needed to do something different with my time. When all of this started, I was afraid that we would become self-involved. I was afraid that all my thoughts and concerns would turn inward on what Rex was going through, what I was going through, and what my girls were going through. To my unexpected surprise, the opposite has happened. We have a greater burden for the people around us than ever before. As I say this, I know that I am going to have to walk my talk. I hope that I will not ever, ever turn back because of fear.
I have told you that this has been an incredible journey so far. Can you believe that only a month has passed?
So much has happened in this past month. I have been so concerned with burdens that other people around me are carrying; things that I think are much more difficult than what we are going through.
I didn't think that God would ever allow me to be used to the depth that He is opening doors. I know that He is opening some of these doors because I have become a much more willing and obedient child. I wish that I could tell you everything that is going on behind the scenes. Hopefully, down the road, I will get to share some answers to prayer.
Sin's consequences are devastating beyond what we can imagine. So many people think that when they sin, they have allowed themselves to be fooled into thinking that no one else is affected. I once read a quote that I will never forget: We will never know the full consequence of sin just as we never know which snowflake caused the avalanche. Please, please think about the things you say to your loved ones - are they words of hurt or words of love? Think about the things you do, do you really think it's a secret? do you really think that it doesn't affect anyone else around you? do you really think that there is a tomorrow for you to make a positive change? Maybe there is, maybe there isn't. God has your days numbered; you do not know that number.
I am so thankful that we can personally ask for forgiveness from Almighty God instead of going through a priest. Leviticus 4 will make you very thankful for that, too. There is nothing that is too great for forgiveness. He is the all-powerful, all-knowing, ever-present God.
That sin that you think is unforgiveable - God is all-powerful; there is nothing he can't forgive. Rememer, our purpose is to glorify God. His forgiveness of even the worst sin is glory to God.
That sin that you think no one will know about - God is ever-present and all-knowing; He already knows about it. You may be hiding it from the people around you, but you are aware of it; God is very aware of it. Those close to you may be aware of it. It may be pride or fear that grips you and keeps you wrapped in your sin. Ultimately, you are missing out on the abundant life that God can give you and your sin is grieving the heart of God. What you cover, God uncovers; what you uncover, God covers.
That sin that you think that you will give up tomorrow - tomorrow may never come. You have reduced the Creator of Heaven and Earth to a mere handyman that you can call when you get in a jam. He is not a beggar; He is the King of Kings and Lord of Lords who made the ultimate sacrifice so that you and I can have life.
God is just and He is love. Because He is just, he can't ignore sin; there is judgment for sin. Because He is love, God has made a way for us to be forgiven by sending Jesus to this earth to die on the cross for us and pay the penalty of our sin. Will you acknowledge that you need forgiveness? Will you accept His forgiveness? Will you seek His healing in your life? He is ready to give it to you, not as a 24/7 handyman, rather as the all-powerful, all-knowing, ever-present God.
Psalm 103:12 As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us.
Love you guys,
Donna Meadows
Tuesday, February 7, 2006
Once again, I received another great devotional email from Gayle. It is really, really good. It brought Rex and I to tears as we read it because it is exactly what we are feeling and are experiencing through this storm. When I have talked about the strange excitement we have in this storm, I am exactly referring to Romans 8:18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.
Our purpose is not for ourselves -- IT IS NOT ABOUT ME OR YOU. It is about bringing glory to God, pointing people to the Saviour. You can't possibly believe this and not have at least a twinge of excitement amidst all of this unknown future that we face. We truly trust God's heart even though we can't trace His hand right now. There is light at the end of this; I have to believe that. God's Word says it.
By the way, we have had the best week yet!
Donna Meadows
Email From Gayle:
Hey Donna,
I was reading in a Beth Moore devotional last night and found a couple things that may be encouraging to you. It's just words that seem to say exactly what you and Rex are living out right now.
This is only parts of 2 different days, so if it sounds disjointed, well, it is!!!
Christ calls us to walk by faith through our storms. It seems like a big requirement until we realize Christ does far more than that---He walks on the water during our storms. God has placed all things under Christ's feet---including the waves that break relentlessly against us. He is in charge. He is right there.
Please don't miss an important element in this story: Christ walked on the water before He calmed the storm. If He had simply calmed the storm, the disciples would have missed His majesty. And what a shame. His majesty was the whole point.
We want Christ to hurry and calm the storm. He wants us to find Him in the midst of it first.
--------------------------
...Whether or not we realize it, we spend untold effort in attempts to avoid pain. Yes, even Christians. Do you journal your prayers? If so, check it out. Notice how often you've asked God to deliver you or someone you know or love from pain.
I'm not suggesting that we can't or shouldn't ask God to deliver us from pain. We have biblical permission by Christ's example in Matt. 26:36-44 and Paul's example in 2 Cor. 12:8 to ask Him to remove any thorn (or cup).
I am suggesting, however, that we adopt a new, eye-opening perspective--the goal of life is not the absence of pain. It is the presence of God and the glory of God. When He can work glory without pain, He does. When He can't, it's going to hurt. But it's also going to be worth it someday (see Romans 8:18)...Let's not grow cold with this world. Let's risk it. If it hurts, we won't break. If we're in Christ, we're not nearly as fragile as we may believe...
I hope you guys have the best week yet.
Love,
Gayle
Our purpose is not for ourselves -- IT IS NOT ABOUT ME OR YOU. It is about bringing glory to God, pointing people to the Saviour. You can't possibly believe this and not have at least a twinge of excitement amidst all of this unknown future that we face. We truly trust God's heart even though we can't trace His hand right now. There is light at the end of this; I have to believe that. God's Word says it.
By the way, we have had the best week yet!
Donna Meadows
Email From Gayle:
Hey Donna,
I was reading in a Beth Moore devotional last night and found a couple things that may be encouraging to you. It's just words that seem to say exactly what you and Rex are living out right now.
This is only parts of 2 different days, so if it sounds disjointed, well, it is!!!
Christ calls us to walk by faith through our storms. It seems like a big requirement until we realize Christ does far more than that---He walks on the water during our storms. God has placed all things under Christ's feet---including the waves that break relentlessly against us. He is in charge. He is right there.
Please don't miss an important element in this story: Christ walked on the water before He calmed the storm. If He had simply calmed the storm, the disciples would have missed His majesty. And what a shame. His majesty was the whole point.
We want Christ to hurry and calm the storm. He wants us to find Him in the midst of it first.
--------------------------
...Whether or not we realize it, we spend untold effort in attempts to avoid pain. Yes, even Christians. Do you journal your prayers? If so, check it out. Notice how often you've asked God to deliver you or someone you know or love from pain.
I'm not suggesting that we can't or shouldn't ask God to deliver us from pain. We have biblical permission by Christ's example in Matt. 26:36-44 and Paul's example in 2 Cor. 12:8 to ask Him to remove any thorn (or cup).
I am suggesting, however, that we adopt a new, eye-opening perspective--the goal of life is not the absence of pain. It is the presence of God and the glory of God. When He can work glory without pain, He does. When He can't, it's going to hurt. But it's also going to be worth it someday (see Romans 8:18)...Let's not grow cold with this world. Let's risk it. If it hurts, we won't break. If we're in Christ, we're not nearly as fragile as we may believe...
I hope you guys have the best week yet.
Love,
Gayle
Saturday, February 04, 2006
Friday, February 3, 2006
Rex turned 38 today, and he had the best day that he's had since he went to the hospital. His energy level was good today. He ate pretty good, too. Overall, he felt the most normal that he has felt in a while. It was definitely a blessing from God and a good birthday.
The last couple of days have gotten a little more normal for me with the girls. We were able to get somewhat back to our daily routine with school and activities. You could tell that it was good for them, too.
I wanted to look at the word COMPASSION again. We usually look at compassion as having a deep awareness of someone's suffering with a desire to relieve it. But, the other day I was thinking about the word differently by seperating out the prefix. COM- meaning "with" and PASSION-referring to a powerful emotion. So, you could also look at compassion as someone who is "with passion." When you look at it that way, what do you do daily in your life with passion? In other words, what motivates you the most each day? Is it a person in your life? Is it a hobby? Is it work? Is it money? Is it your relationship with Christ? Is it TV? What is it that really gets you going, that thing that you enjoy doing more than anything else?
As believers, we want to say that it is our relationship with Christ. If we are honest with ourselves, I think we would have to admit that many times it's not that. Sure, I have to admit that I have a passion for my relationship with Jesus Christ more than ever now. But, three months ago, some of my thoughts were stuck on other things that now seem so trivial and shallow. God has given Rex and I a glimpse of things from His perspective that I don't think we would have ever seen without this trial of Rex' health, hanging between life and death. It gives new meaning to loving the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind. There have been so so many Bible verses that have come alive to me through this; many of these, I have heard most of my life, memorized sometime in my life, and yet, they hadn't become real to me. Real is a great place to be. It's where peace abides because we are abiding in Him.
Mark 12:30 And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.' This is the first commandment.
Deuteronomy 6:5 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength
Donna Meadows
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
What a day! I have never seen a bad case of dehydration before, but there is a tremendous difference in Rex since Monday morning. He is doing much, much better. He didn't eat much, but it's only because he didn't take the time to eat much today. He did better this evening, though. He is up and moving as good as before he went into the hospital; although, he doesn't have as much strength or energy since starting the chemo/radiation. That is to be expected.Well...the devotional that I sent out yesterday has even more meaning today. Since I sent that, I have learned that that devotional was written by none other than Margie Carothers. For you long-time "Tri-Citians"(Tri-City Baptist Church in Conover, NC to those who don't know what in the world I am talking about) Ron & Margie Carothers are the missionaries that Marla Williams (another "Tri-Citian") worked with while she served in Guatemala. These missionaries also went with Paul & Theresa Boyd (other long-time "Tri-Citians") to the mountain house that she mentioned in her devotional. The Carothers were also a part of our church while here on furlough in years past. Isn't that neat? It certainly makes it even more special to me. Rex and I have been blessed with an email from Margie today that clearly expressed her appreciation for being used by God.
How are you allowing God to use you? It could be as simple as a kind word or a good deed to a stranger at the store. It could be being obedient to share the good news of Christ to others, strangers and loved ones alike. No matter what it is, we must allow ourselves and make a conscious choice each day to do something/anything that shows/tells the love of Christ and point to His salvation for us.
Is there someone in your life that you need to express a written or spoken word of thankfulness? It could be just a simple spoken word of thanks. There have been many, many times that I have been thankful in my heart but the blessing was quenched because I failed to "say" thank you to someone. Is there someone that you know that you need to thank? Don't procrastinate or take it out of mind, take the few minutes to say thank you, and you will smile and be glad you did. Most of all, you will be surprised at the blessing you receive when you return the thanks.
I have to say that one of the best things that this trial has done for me personally, is it has given me an opportunity to show people the peace and grace that ONLY Jesus Christ can give. It has given me a voice to say what's in my heart. It has opened a door for me to share like never before. It has taken me to a level of boldness that I only wished I had before. This may seem strange to say that anything is exciting about this, but I'm telling you this has been the exciting part of this trial for us; We want nothing more than for people all over the world to know the salvation that Christ can give when we ask for His forgiveness of our sins, and ask Him to become Lord of our Life not only so we can have an eternity with Almighty God in Heaven, but also, so we can have life on this earth more abundantly!
2 Corinthians 2:4
4 For out of much affliction and anguish of heart I wrote to you, with many tears, not that you should be grieved, but that you might know the love which I have so abundantly for you.
This is what Christ wants for you and me!
Ephesians 3:14-21
14 For this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, 15 from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, 16 that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, 17 that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, 18 may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height-- 19 to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. 20 Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, 21 to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen
Truth can change our lives completely if we accept it.
With much love I share this,
Donna
Monday, January 30, 2006 #2
I just had to forward this email that I received to everyone because it was so good. Gayle Robinson sent it to me today. It was just what I needed. I can relate to this lady, Margie, so much. See, Rex has only been working in his field for 8 months (graduated May 2005 as a respiratory therapist), and we had already felt God pulling us into another area totally different from respiratory therapy. Then, we find out about this cancer. I've known that this was going to be a growing time. It's still nice to hear the encouragement of someone else who has been through it too.
Respiratory therapy was a stepping stone for him and us. God has done some amazing things in Rex through him going through school. It has taught him discipline; he has gained confidence in his abilities; he has learned how to persevere at the things he enjoys as well as those classes that he didn't enjoy; he has learned how to finish/complete endeavors. The list goes on and on. God did it, and I got to go along for the ride and watch it happen. Rex is the most of teachable man I have ever met; that's a great ingredient for God to use and mold into something remarkable. He desires to be taught and learn. I am so thankful for Rex.
Thank you all for caring so much. We are not in fear because God is with us; We are not anxious for He is God; He strengthens us, helps us, and upholds us with His righteous right hand. There is NO BETTER place to be than safe in His arms where peace abides.
Donna Meadows
From: "Gayle Robinson" Subject: a devotion I read todayDate: Mon, 30 Jan 2006 14:15:44 -0500
Hey Donna,
I read a good devotion today that I am going to send to you and Rex . I hope it brings some encouragement to you guys. It is from the devotional book Voices of the Faithful with Beth Moore contributing. (In case you are not familiar with this book, it is a daily devotional based on foreign missionary's and their experiences on the field.)
The cancer was very advanced and we had no warning. We were told that my husband had only six months to live. In shock, we tried to process this news. God had so clearly called us as missionaries, and we had willingly given up all to obey Him. We had been on the field a few short months, but now we were stateside again to face an uncertain future. It was hard to understand.
Precious friends took us to a secluded mountain cabin to allow us time alone with each other and the Lord. As we wept and cried out to the Lord, our only comfort came from the Word. I pleaded with God to give me a verse that would assure me that my husband would live. God did not do that. Instead, He gave me Isaiah 41:10. His promise was that He would be with me to strengthen and help me, no matter what came. His promise saw us through four bouts with cancer in the years that followed and helped us take one day at a time.
God, in His grace and mercy, healed my husband. Today, 18 years later, we are still on the field joyfully serving in the harvest!
Though I hate cancer, I am thankful for this trial, which positively changed my family. I have seen God's faithfulness in ways that would not have been possible without suffering and learning to depend totally on Him. It's hard to know that God is all you need until He's all you've got.
from Margie, Middle America and the Caribbean
Is. 41:10 (NASB) Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.
With many thoughts and prayers,
Gayle
Respiratory therapy was a stepping stone for him and us. God has done some amazing things in Rex through him going through school. It has taught him discipline; he has gained confidence in his abilities; he has learned how to persevere at the things he enjoys as well as those classes that he didn't enjoy; he has learned how to finish/complete endeavors. The list goes on and on. God did it, and I got to go along for the ride and watch it happen. Rex is the most of teachable man I have ever met; that's a great ingredient for God to use and mold into something remarkable. He desires to be taught and learn. I am so thankful for Rex.
Thank you all for caring so much. We are not in fear because God is with us; We are not anxious for He is God; He strengthens us, helps us, and upholds us with His righteous right hand. There is NO BETTER place to be than safe in His arms where peace abides.
Donna Meadows
From: "Gayle Robinson" Subject: a devotion I read todayDate: Mon, 30 Jan 2006 14:15:44 -0500
Hey Donna,
I read a good devotion today that I am going to send to you and Rex . I hope it brings some encouragement to you guys. It is from the devotional book Voices of the Faithful with Beth Moore contributing. (In case you are not familiar with this book, it is a daily devotional based on foreign missionary's and their experiences on the field.)
The cancer was very advanced and we had no warning. We were told that my husband had only six months to live. In shock, we tried to process this news. God had so clearly called us as missionaries, and we had willingly given up all to obey Him. We had been on the field a few short months, but now we were stateside again to face an uncertain future. It was hard to understand.
Precious friends took us to a secluded mountain cabin to allow us time alone with each other and the Lord. As we wept and cried out to the Lord, our only comfort came from the Word. I pleaded with God to give me a verse that would assure me that my husband would live. God did not do that. Instead, He gave me Isaiah 41:10. His promise was that He would be with me to strengthen and help me, no matter what came. His promise saw us through four bouts with cancer in the years that followed and helped us take one day at a time.
God, in His grace and mercy, healed my husband. Today, 18 years later, we are still on the field joyfully serving in the harvest!
Though I hate cancer, I am thankful for this trial, which positively changed my family. I have seen God's faithfulness in ways that would not have been possible without suffering and learning to depend totally on Him. It's hard to know that God is all you need until He's all you've got.
from Margie, Middle America and the Caribbean
Is. 41:10 (NASB) Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.
With many thoughts and prayers,
Gayle
Monday, January 30, 2006
Rex did not have a good weekend. He started to feel nauseous on Wednesday. It progressively got worse on Thursday and Friday. He came home and started vomiting on Friday. It took everything in him to swallow two bites of food -- sheer will. He was extremely nauseous all the time. Nothing helped; his nausea medicine didn't help at all. He couldn't even take his chemo pills Sunday night. He didn't say ten words all weekend; he mainly laid in the bed except when he was in the bathroom. He lost ten pounds from Friday afternoon to Monday morning.
We didn't get to go out to eat on Saturday. However, we were able to have a last minute family get together here at the house on Saturday evening. My family all pitched in and helped get the food ready. Erin & Amber are accustomed to me decorating for birthday parties, so they got out some of the decorations that I keep year after year and did some decorating on their own. Rex was really nauseous but he managed to stay up in his recliner for the entire time that family was here. He didn't talk much and he certainly didn't eat but a couple of bites, but I think it helped him to take his mind off of how bad he felt. Amber was tickled with it.
By Sunday, Rex was getting dizzy (dehydrated). If he took a sip of Sprite or water, it would come back up within an hour. He wasn't able to make it Sunday morning to church which he was really hoping he would be able to do.
I called Dr. Tate's office this morning (Monday). They had us come in this morning to get Rex on some IV fluids and also to give him some anti-nausea intravenous medicine. He took 2 bags of fluids and a bag of nausea medicine. Before he even got done with the fluids, he also drank a can of ginger ale. He kept it down. After three hours of fluids, he felt much better. He came home and immediately ate a meal. It was like night and day compared to the weekend. The doctor told him that the few days after the chemo usually hit pretty hard.
Please pray that Rex' nausea will stay under control so that he can continue to eat and drink. Also, pray for continued wisdom in Rex' course of treatment. I am still doing my research on this stuff, and I want to be able to discern the good information from the useless information.
It would also be great if he could continue to work since he carries the insurance that's helping cover all of this stuff.
"Even in the valley, God is good!"
Thanks,
Donna Meadows
We didn't get to go out to eat on Saturday. However, we were able to have a last minute family get together here at the house on Saturday evening. My family all pitched in and helped get the food ready. Erin & Amber are accustomed to me decorating for birthday parties, so they got out some of the decorations that I keep year after year and did some decorating on their own. Rex was really nauseous but he managed to stay up in his recliner for the entire time that family was here. He didn't talk much and he certainly didn't eat but a couple of bites, but I think it helped him to take his mind off of how bad he felt. Amber was tickled with it.
By Sunday, Rex was getting dizzy (dehydrated). If he took a sip of Sprite or water, it would come back up within an hour. He wasn't able to make it Sunday morning to church which he was really hoping he would be able to do.
I called Dr. Tate's office this morning (Monday). They had us come in this morning to get Rex on some IV fluids and also to give him some anti-nausea intravenous medicine. He took 2 bags of fluids and a bag of nausea medicine. Before he even got done with the fluids, he also drank a can of ginger ale. He kept it down. After three hours of fluids, he felt much better. He came home and immediately ate a meal. It was like night and day compared to the weekend. The doctor told him that the few days after the chemo usually hit pretty hard.
Please pray that Rex' nausea will stay under control so that he can continue to eat and drink. Also, pray for continued wisdom in Rex' course of treatment. I am still doing my research on this stuff, and I want to be able to discern the good information from the useless information.
It would also be great if he could continue to work since he carries the insurance that's helping cover all of this stuff.
"Even in the valley, God is good!"
Thanks,
Donna Meadows
Friday, January 27, 2006
It's Friday morning! What a week. Rex has had an exceptional week, overall. Yesterday, he spent most of the day nauseous. He has still been able to eat; he just hasn't wanted to eat because of the nausea. Rex was pretty quiet Thursday most of the day. He doesn't complain at all. His nurses have been great! They have all commented that Rex has been a delight to care for through this week.
He is so ready to come home and get in his own bed. I think he has plans to come home and sleep 24 hours without anyone sticking him or taking his vitals.
The next two weeks are expected to be harder on him than this week as this chemo takes his body to a low. He really hopes to be able to come to church Sunday. Pray that he will be able to do that. The most critical time will be 7-14 days after chemotherapy -- that's when his immune system will be the weakest. If he comes to church or goes out in public, he has been strongly advised to wear a mask.
I got to spend the night with Rex Thursday while Erin & Amber were at a friends' house (friends of theirs and ours) and Lindsey spent the night with my sister-in-law. We had a little excitement Thursday evening. Amber in her total excitement of being with friends fell down and got a nasty little gash above her eye. The good things is that I didn't have to go far to meet them for stitches. :) She has officially been initiated to turn 7. She now has seven stitches on her head, one for each year she has blessed us. She didn't want to stay with mommy; she was ready to return to her friend's house after being stitched up.
I was feeling a little down through the night as I spent a great deal of time awake watching Rex and thinking. When it's apparent to me that he is very uncomfortable, I get discouraged a little because I can't do anything to make him comfortable. I also tend to get ahead of today, and I have to remind myself to take one day at a time; God has given me enough grace for today; He hasn't given me the grace for tomorrow yet.
I read Psalm 8 this morning. That certainly lifted me as I pondered the Excellence of God. -- O Lord our Lord, how excellent is thy name in all the earth! who has set they glory above the heavens. Out of the mouth of babes and sucklings hast thou ordained strength because of thine enemies, that thou mightest still the enemy and the avenger. When I consider thy heavens, the work of thy fingers, the moon and the stars, which thou hast ordained; What is man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him? For thou hast made him a little lower than the angels, and hast crowned him with glory and honour. Thou madest him to have dominion over the works of thy hands; thou hast put all things under his feet: All sheep and oxen, yea, and the beasts of the field; The fowl of the air, and the fish of the sea, and whatsoever passeth through the paths of the seas. O LORD our Lord, how excellent is thy name in all the earth!
Whatever you face today, will you stop and thank God for being who He is? -- the Master of the Universe and our Loving Father!
Donna Meadows
He is so ready to come home and get in his own bed. I think he has plans to come home and sleep 24 hours without anyone sticking him or taking his vitals.
The next two weeks are expected to be harder on him than this week as this chemo takes his body to a low. He really hopes to be able to come to church Sunday. Pray that he will be able to do that. The most critical time will be 7-14 days after chemotherapy -- that's when his immune system will be the weakest. If he comes to church or goes out in public, he has been strongly advised to wear a mask.
I got to spend the night with Rex Thursday while Erin & Amber were at a friends' house (friends of theirs and ours) and Lindsey spent the night with my sister-in-law. We had a little excitement Thursday evening. Amber in her total excitement of being with friends fell down and got a nasty little gash above her eye. The good things is that I didn't have to go far to meet them for stitches. :) She has officially been initiated to turn 7. She now has seven stitches on her head, one for each year she has blessed us. She didn't want to stay with mommy; she was ready to return to her friend's house after being stitched up.
I was feeling a little down through the night as I spent a great deal of time awake watching Rex and thinking. When it's apparent to me that he is very uncomfortable, I get discouraged a little because I can't do anything to make him comfortable. I also tend to get ahead of today, and I have to remind myself to take one day at a time; God has given me enough grace for today; He hasn't given me the grace for tomorrow yet.
I read Psalm 8 this morning. That certainly lifted me as I pondered the Excellence of God. -- O Lord our Lord, how excellent is thy name in all the earth! who has set they glory above the heavens. Out of the mouth of babes and sucklings hast thou ordained strength because of thine enemies, that thou mightest still the enemy and the avenger. When I consider thy heavens, the work of thy fingers, the moon and the stars, which thou hast ordained; What is man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him? For thou hast made him a little lower than the angels, and hast crowned him with glory and honour. Thou madest him to have dominion over the works of thy hands; thou hast put all things under his feet: All sheep and oxen, yea, and the beasts of the field; The fowl of the air, and the fish of the sea, and whatsoever passeth through the paths of the seas. O LORD our Lord, how excellent is thy name in all the earth!
Whatever you face today, will you stop and thank God for being who He is? -- the Master of the Universe and our Loving Father!
Donna Meadows
Wendesday, January 25, 2006
I wanted to update you on Rex at the halfway point in the hospital. He has tolerated the chemo extremely well so far. He has had very little nausea that has subsided after eating. Can you believe it? He has eaten every meal! He even had the munchies Monday evening and ate Doritos! He hasn't eaten anything crunchy in a few months, so this was a big thing. We can sense everybody praying for us. It is a wonderful peaceful place to be.
Dr. Tate is delighted that Rex is doing so well. He's optimistic that this chemo/radiation is doing some work on the cancer.
Overall, Rex has rested, as well as can be expected in the hospital. He did better on Tuesday than on Monday. I didn't get much rest Monday night, but I did Tuesday night.
I've had good support this week. Family and friends have been so very helpful as I have gone back and forth to the hospital. I even had a volunteer take our dog this week, so that I wouldn't have to worry about letting her out and feeding her. I really couldn't ask for more. So many of you have been so gracious and have offered to help in any way possible. Believe me, this is the beginning. I will be surprised if I won't need help in the future. I have your names down, and I will let you know when I need help.
Erin had a little breakdown last night. She spent all afternoon on Tuesday by his side in the bed, and didn't want to leave. She is planning to spend the night with her daddy tonight (Wednesday). I could tell that she had a look of urgency on her face all evening on Tuesday. She didn't say much when she broke down; she mainly cried. These are first tears that any of my kids have shed since all of this started on Jan. 4th. She told me that she wasn't scared; she just wanted him to get better. I told her that I did to, and that we had to pray that God would make him better. I also told her that no matter what, God loved us and He would do what is best for us. She has a pretty good understanding, I think, because she then told me that God let people get sick so that we would learn to love Jesus more and so that we would care more about other people. We stopped and prayed for Rex right then. I want Erin, Amber, and Lindsey to be able to express their fears and doubts so that I know how to help them through this.
Amber's 7th birthday is this Saturday. Pray that Rex' health would be good enough for us to have a little celebration for her. She usually does a countdown to her birthday; this year she realizes that there are other things going on and shelved her birthday on her own. I asked her if she would like to do something for her birthday, and she lit up and said that she would like to go to a restaurant. So, my hope and prayer is that daddy(Rex) will be well enough to go eat out to eat on Saturday.
I am so very thankful for all of you caring and praying. It may seem redundant when I keep saying that, but I really, really appreciate it. It means more than words could ever express.
Have a great day and God bless you.
Donna Meadows
Dr. Tate is delighted that Rex is doing so well. He's optimistic that this chemo/radiation is doing some work on the cancer.
Overall, Rex has rested, as well as can be expected in the hospital. He did better on Tuesday than on Monday. I didn't get much rest Monday night, but I did Tuesday night.
I've had good support this week. Family and friends have been so very helpful as I have gone back and forth to the hospital. I even had a volunteer take our dog this week, so that I wouldn't have to worry about letting her out and feeding her. I really couldn't ask for more. So many of you have been so gracious and have offered to help in any way possible. Believe me, this is the beginning. I will be surprised if I won't need help in the future. I have your names down, and I will let you know when I need help.
Erin had a little breakdown last night. She spent all afternoon on Tuesday by his side in the bed, and didn't want to leave. She is planning to spend the night with her daddy tonight (Wednesday). I could tell that she had a look of urgency on her face all evening on Tuesday. She didn't say much when she broke down; she mainly cried. These are first tears that any of my kids have shed since all of this started on Jan. 4th. She told me that she wasn't scared; she just wanted him to get better. I told her that I did to, and that we had to pray that God would make him better. I also told her that no matter what, God loved us and He would do what is best for us. She has a pretty good understanding, I think, because she then told me that God let people get sick so that we would learn to love Jesus more and so that we would care more about other people. We stopped and prayed for Rex right then. I want Erin, Amber, and Lindsey to be able to express their fears and doubts so that I know how to help them through this.
Amber's 7th birthday is this Saturday. Pray that Rex' health would be good enough for us to have a little celebration for her. She usually does a countdown to her birthday; this year she realizes that there are other things going on and shelved her birthday on her own. I asked her if she would like to do something for her birthday, and she lit up and said that she would like to go to a restaurant. So, my hope and prayer is that daddy(Rex) will be well enough to go eat out to eat on Saturday.
I am so very thankful for all of you caring and praying. It may seem redundant when I keep saying that, but I really, really appreciate it. It means more than words could ever express.
Have a great day and God bless you.
Donna Meadows
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